Day 7 Finding Strength in Vulnerability

Hard to believe I'm halfway through my trip already.

I do truly love it here on Lesvos. It's got it's own vibe and it very unspoilt and beautiful. Would I come back here? without a doubt. Would I come back during the Womans festival ? The jury is still out on that one.

Yesterday was a mixed day. I had an iced tea in the square with Anya who then kindly gave me a lift into Scala. I find myself gravitating to the Rock Ink gallery a lot. Although it's lesbian owned, that's kind of the last thing you would notice about it. Scala promenade is unique. Each bar or taverna, although in close proximity to each other has it's own ambience and this is reflected on the patch of beach in front of each establishment.

You can take a ten minute stroll here and have 4 totally different experiences. Much as I'm appreciating so many safe Queer spaces in one place, the laid back, arty vibe at Rock Ink is where I feel most at home.

I had the pleasure of meeting Elizabeth the artist who created the mixed media pieces I bought yesterday. What a delightful young woman who was actually a research historian before discovering just as much joy making and selling art here on the island. Elizabeth really epitomises the free spirited environment here in Scala Eressos.

I had another lunch date with myself , spent a lovely hour back at the gallery listening to Northern Soul by the sea and was planning to stay down in Scala until the evening then attend the fashion show.

Now I did start heading in the direction of the show but so was everyone else on the Island by the look of it. I'm still struggling with larger crowds and I just wasn't in the mood for lots of whooping ( Lesbians love to whoop ) so before I knew it I was in a taxi headed back to my house , excited at the prospect of drinking Greek wine and binge watching "Secret lives of Mormon wives" on Disney+

Time alone here is increasingly precious to me. The evenings alone on my patio, under the moon with a notebook and pen, writing whatever comes to mind and talking to the Goddess is proving to be a powerful tool in working out what needs to be healed.

My intention before coming away was to write a Witchy travel blog to inspire other people contemplating travelling alone, get over my mental block around writing a blog, share my trip and hopefully drive some traffic to our website.

I never expected to be sharing such personal revalations about myself and the journey of discovery and healing this is turning out to be.

Yesterday I panicked that I had over shared, got too personal about my body issues etc. A couple of things that folk have said since have made me glad I did although I still woke up feeling a bit cringe this morning.

As a Witch , especially a Witch who teaches and brings others to the path I have been concerned that showing my vulnerability and being open about my personal healing may work against me. It may make me less credible in my role of empowering others.

I embrace my path. Does being a Witch and practicing Witchcraft make you stronger? Oh my Goddess YES !!! In so many ways on so many levels.

Is it a panacea that will remove all of your problems ? No.

I have now been a Witch for a long time and can't emphesise strongly enough the profound effect that travelling this path has had on every area of my life. Connecting with the Divine Feminine, doing the shadow work, deepening my connection with nature and all the wonderful friendships and sisterhood I have gained have made me into the strongest most. authentic version of myself I've ever been.

Do I still struggle ? all the time.

Do I still doubt myself ? frequently.

Do I doubt my path ? Never.

I'm a constant work in progress but walking the path of my ancestors and living as a Witch has given me more tools and coping mechanisms to unpack years of trauma than any doctor or medication ever could.

We don't kneel infront of our Gods begging for help. We walk tall alongside them asking them to help us rediscover the strenght, joy and knowledge we already carry within us.

This morning I pushed myself harder came down to Scala early and attended the Feminist Tarot workshop. I'll be writing about that and the lovely lady from Manchester who fascilitated it in my blog tomorrow . I'm currently writing this whilst having a working lunch.

I can think of worse days at the office.

I will end today will some videos from early on last night , listening to fabulous live music from Lancashire and Ireland watching the sun go down here in Scala.

Thank you so much for reading. Bright Blessings and much love Bex xxx

Day 7 Love the Skin you're in.

Yesterday I decided to just to take a day out from self-improvement, self-reflection etc and as it was the Weekend just be on holiday for the day.

I had a lie in then wandered down the village for a lovely lunch date with myself and headed to the beach to sunbathe, swim and read my book.

As I don't have much to report except having a wonderfully relaxing day I thought I'd use todays blog to unpick some of the body issues I've been struggling with lately and that I feel will be relatable to many people, especially women.

Last year I gave up smoking after 40 years. Of course the benefits to this are huge and I did feel pretty bad-ass for finding the strength to beat this very addictive habit.

It's not uncommon to gain weight after quitting and I've certainly been no exception.

Since October last year I've gained a stone and a half and 2 dress sizes.

This has been an eye opener to me and made me aware just how much my self confidence, especially when meeting new people has been tied in to having a slim body.

Between the ages of 17 and 34 I worked on and off as a stripper , pole dancer and lap dancer. This was the main source of income for my family for many years. It also in a strange way gave me some power and control in my own life. Rebecca at 17 was in many ways broken on the inside, felt powerless and had learned to exist in a way that was almost dependent on being sexually available and constantly seeking to be seen as desirable to the 'Male gaze'**

**"In feminist theory, the male gaze is the act of depicting women and the world in the visual arts and in literature from a masculine, heterosexual perspective that presents and represents women as sexual objects for the pleasure of the heterosexual male viewer"

My figure at the time was one of the only things I had any confidence in and the only way I knew back then to get attention and approval. Stripping seemed a natural choice for me. I had the credentials and was realising at this point that my lifes dream of becoming one of Pans People was unlikely to come true. I was already existing by validating myself under the male gaze, may as well make a few quid out of it .

What I hadn't counted on was my alter ego Jezebel and the profound effect she would have on my life.

Yes Rebecca felt pointless and inadequate at that time but the character I created ( or did she create me? ) was the opposite.

Jezebel was feisty, confident, took no prisoners on that stage. I'm aware there are going to be conflicting viewpoints around this but I have no regrets about this time of my life.

Jezebel gave me the power to say no. You can look but not touch, she showed me a fierceness I didn't know I had and for once I felt like I was in control. I was capitalising on the Male Gaze instead of being used and abused by it.

I retired at 34 and have many more skills and strings to my bow nowadays. I have many reasons to be proud of myself but to some degree have still hidden behind my figure on countless occasions without realising it...... Until now.

Putting on weight has been challenging for me. It has brought many issues that I believed were resolved back to the fore.

Publically I've been claiming to feel voluptuous and sexy. Loving my 'Nurse Gladys Emmanuel' body. Privately not so much .

Sometimes I've struggled to leave the house feeling ugly, frumpy and finding long buried feelings of shame and worthlessness bubbling up to the surface.

Of course as a Crone, a Witch, a Woman I know this is not how I am supossed to be feeling. I know that remnants of an abusive childhood and the ever present shadow of the paitriarchy and many other complex issues are at play here.

I truly believe women are beautiful in all shapes and sizes in fact as I get older my taste in woman is changing and I'm more attracted to a lady with gorgeous curves nowadays

I know I have work to do on loving my new curvy body and being here in Greece seemed my ideal opportunity to put in the work.

I must say that the predominately female crowd here , away from the aformentioned 'male gaze' makes life on the beach much easier. Gorgeous, glorious women of all shapes, sizes and ages fill the beach. Wobbly bits are wobbling free, bodies in all their varied glory are on display and noone is sucking in their belly. It's fabulous.

Back at the house, relishing the privacy I've become quite the nudist and mostly if I'm at the house I'm naked.

I'm spending time getting used to this new rounded version of me and starting to love it.

Every morning when I put my sun lotion on I have created a ritual of self love.

I thank my legs and curvy thighs for keeping me standing, even at times when I felt I couldn't carry on.

I thank my rounded stomach for being the oven that baked 5 precious lives as I became a Mum.

I thank my arms for holding my babies, for holding my lovers, for holding on through the roughest of storms.

I thank my breasts ( now a voluptuous G G ) for feeding my babies, giving them strength and life and boosting their immune systems. I also thank them for earning a pretty penny over the years and making sure my babies had food, clothes, holidays and a roof over their head.

I thank and give love to every part of my long suffering, amazing body that has sustained me thus far. I've not always given it the love and respect it deserves but it's kept me going regardless.

I can't express enough how this daily ritual is having a transformative effect on me.

One amazing moment was when I became tearful during the ritual and my mind went to my childhood and when my complicated relationship with my body began. As often happens a lot of hurt and anger at people for not protecting me and leaving me in an unsafe environment came up.

Hecate appeared besides me in the mirror and said " they just weren't able to support you, it wasn't about you they simply weren't able" I felt so much peace and letting go in that moment and I've felt something in me shift from that moment.

I'm finding it so easy to look at my new body shape now. I love to feel the sun on it and I reccomend anyone struggling with body issues to take 5 minutes a day to create a ritual of self love and grattitude.

I'm even in love with my new big, round backside. I've never had much of a bum but I'm certainly making up for it now and I've gone from being mad about it to celebrating it.

I even sashay to the village with a shake of my hips now.

just call me Kim Kardashi-Nan.

I truly hope by sharing this it will resonate with anyone who is not loving themself fully , just as they are. This blog will be the hardest to share.

I truly appreciate everyone who reads this, it's proving to be an emotional journey for me.

And to my dear friend Gail who said " your blog is good and well written but can't you get laid or start a riot or something" I've still got a week left anything could happen.

I'll be back tomorrow with updates, pics and videos from my travels but today this seemed important today.

Bright Blessings and much love Bex.xxx

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Day 6 when it all kicked off at dinner.

Day 6 began calmly with a little pottering round the yard and then walking into the village to catch the taxi I had pre- booked.

Quite typically the taxi didn't turn up so I missed the flower printing workshop but on the plus side had a nice chat with 2 Irish ladies from Kildaire and then shared a cab with them when one showed up.

I went and had a chat with Stacey at the gallery about potentially doing some workshops for her next year, then wandered down the seafront and got chatting to a jewelery maker called Dimitri. I couldn't help treating myself to this beautiful silver necklace that represents one of my go to Goddesses Artemis.

I spent a little time on the beach reading and enjoying the waves and then it was time to go and meet Dimitra the Greek Archeologist who had agreed to do an interview with me for this blog.

When you meet Dimitra what strikes you immediately is her aura. She has the presence of deep spirituality and power. Fortunately she is also very kind and easy to talk to.

This Lady has so much knowledge and a deep unerstanding of the Greek Goddess archytypes . We had an absolutely fascinating conversation and it was nice that she was genuinely interested in our Celtic Deities and how we work alongside archytypes in the UK.

I learnt so much from her that I am going to do a seperate blog when I get home but let me share a little of what I learned from this unique woman.

Dimitra has a background in Archeology. During some difficult times in life she entered psychotherapy. This gave her a realisation on the importance of excavating yourself and your Soul. Wanting to approach this more holistically and focus on the connection between mind, body and soul, Dimitra went on to train as a somantic psychotherapist, this is a therapist who helps people release damaging pent up emotions by using a wide variety of mind-body techniques.

Whilst at the archeological site at the Asclepieion of Epidaurus , Dimitra was wondering how the ancient peoples of this place stayed grounded and sound of mind. She came across the base of an ancient statue with 4 legs and standing upon it she began to assume the poses of the Greek Goddesses ( each one has her own particular pose)

The photo above shows the pose of Athena.

The power and strength that filled Dimitra in these poses was the start of something profound. The following year whilst at Cape Tenaro at the southern most tip of Sparta,under a starry sky she walked to the sea and began with her body to make the shapes of the Greek alphabet.( All letters in the Greek alphabet are considered sacred and has it's own correspondences.)

Convinced she had found a powerful tool to help people by not just using talking therapy but by embodying the language and sense of place, the archeologist in Dimitra still wanted proof. Evidence was found in works by Socrates on the power of letters and the poses of the Goddesses.

Dimitra took me through some poses right there on the promenade. It made me feel incredibly grounded, centered and strong in my connection to Mother Gaia.

I have so much more to tell about all the things I learned about Goddess archytypes, Somatic healing, democracy, words. and so much more from this amazing woman but as I said I want to do a blog only about what I learned. It is wonderful when someone teaches you a way of looking at things that is new to you. Learning is growth.

Dimitra has a guest house in Sparta and does tours around the ancient temples of the Greek Goddesses combining Ritual and somatics with her archeological knowledge at each site.

Will I be signing up for a tour . Hell yes.

After a fascinating hour or so I headed back to the village to shower and change. I had signed up to attend a dinner for solo travellers and was determined to go.

When I arrived at the Taverna only 3 ladies were there although the table was booked for 12. One lady was getting stressed about the low attendence and wanted us to sneak off in embarrasment and eat elsewhere . I reasoned with her that surely it was better to stay so the owner at least was payed for 4 meals instead of none. There was reluctant agreement then when I explained to the owner, there was much moaning from the ladies as he asked us to move table. As we moved table a few more ladies turned up but things were a little tense by this time.

There a couple of vegans in the party and one of them was an nice easy going author currently writing a book about Fleetwood being lost into the sea and Preston becoming a seaside resort. The other lady was getting very antsy due to a lack of vegan menu. So much Greek food is vegan anyway so I tried to help by translating many of the delicious vegetable dishes on the menu. " oh no that sounds too greasy, too oniony , too tomatoey, I just know there will be nothing for me on this menu" Some other ladies were starting to complain about the menu too despite it being an extensive menu of fresh food to suit every taste.

The Northern Nana in me was trying to get out I was biting my tongue to not shout " Sit your arses down now, pick something and shut up"

Some ladies chose something but then a row errupted about weather the bill would come separate or all together. The Taverna owner who had developed a twitch by now explained due to being busy it would be one big bill and we could work it out ourselves. Well.... It all kicked off .

I did try to reason that we were all capable of a bit of maths and working out what we had but it had already esculated. Women were shouting, one was crying because she wasn't being consulted ?? It was crazy and followed by a big lesbian storming off to eat somewhere else. To me it was shocking behaviour and I wished I hadn't joined this group.

I was mortified but luckily not alone. Along with a couple of other ladies we hung back then did a sideways boogie and went off to eat by ourselves.

I ended up having a lovely meal with Robyn a German lady who decided to start living in her van 6 years ago age 60, and hasn't looked back despite various issues and health problems popping up. And Adriana a lady of Armenian heritage who lives in New York and who came out as a lesbian at 71 years old.

What truly inspirational women and no drama occured during our meal.

I'm beginning to understand that the impact on me is not coming from workshops or immersing myself in large groups. While workshops and groups are enjoyable activities, what truly inspires me are the connections with people, the intimate conversations, and the glimpses into their lives that are broadening my perspective.

It's these conversations and interactions with individuals that reinforce the importance of kindness, inclusivity, courage, authenticity, and resilience. These are the moments that will stay with me long after this journey.

While group therapy and self-help are so valuable and integral parts of our work at The Witches Hat, I have recently found myself gravitating towards the simpler things in life. I am drawn to casual conversations, forming connections, experiencing moments of happiness, and witnessing displays of humanity and love.

With so much negativity and conflict in the world, it can be overwhelming. Instead of focusing on changing the world, I am choosing to create small pockets of joy and love. If more people join in creating these little patches, perhaps one day they will come together to form a large enough quilt to make a positive impact.

Thanks again for reading

Bright Blessings and much love Bex xxx