Day 11 Fear of Drowning and a visit from Danu.

Day 11 started off very chill. I'd had a lot of interaction for the previous 2 days and felt a bit overstimulated, so I chose to spend most of the day in my house. I did some writing, washed some clothes, read my book, and just enjoyed my little patio.

On this trip, I'm learning to enjoy my own company in a different way. I do get time alone at home; I'm alone most nights if I'm not working or have plans to go out. I'm really becoming aware of how much time I waste on doom scrolling, watching true crime channels on YouTube, and generally procrastinating. I believe this is because it's easier to avoid my thoughts at times, and this deep-rooted fear of success that I'm being made aware of here is quite the internal saboteur.

I put things off until the last moment, even things I enjoy doing or things that are important for me and our business. I always do the thing, but I'm also aware of how much stress I could avoid and how much The Witches Hat will benefit from me being more organized and productive.

Self-care and time management are going to the top of my to-do list when I get home. I've also decided I'm going to book a few sessions with a therapist as some of the stuff that has come up for me on my quiet evenings with the moon is going to take longer than a fortnight in Greece to unpack, and I want to tackle them head-on before they attempt to go back into hiding.

At around 3 pm, I caught a cab down to Scala as I was going snorkeling at 4 pm. This gave me time to grab a sandwich and sit by the sea for an hour reading my book.

In the house, there is a library where travelers deposit books they have completed. Having finished the books I brought with me, I opted to read something outside my usual genre (as I typically favor John Grisham and James Patterson on holiday). This book narrates the Trojan War through the eyes of Trojan and Greek women, Helen, and the Goddesses and Muses of Ancient Greece. I am thoroughly engrossed in it and learning something to boot.

As I sat enjoying my book and late lunch, I spotted something I had not seen here before: a seagull.

Where I live in Fleetwood there are seagulls everywhere. I love them and even enjoy the seagull alarm clock in the mornings. They can be a bit renegade ( watch your chips ) but to me they are beautiful graceful birds that lived by the sea long before we did. They are symbolic of home to me.

They are also the symbol of our beloved Goddess Circle The Daughters of Danu. Our Patron is the Celtic Mother Goddess Danu and the seagull is sacred to her.

I had some first pangs of homesickness. I miss Fleetwood, I miss my Goddesses, I miss my family and friends, and I miss the shop. It doesn't mean I'm not having a marvelous time, it just means I'll be glad to get home too.

I felt that the seagull was reminding me that I am a daughter of Danu wherever I roam and she has always got my back.

4 o'clock arrived and I joined my fellow snorkelers outside the Black Rock Diving Centre, and we walked up to the harbor to get on the boat.

I instantly warmed to Captain Gareth, an English man with mischief written all over his face, and was really excited to get on with the trip. I've done snorkeling many years ago in Florida and absolutely loved it. The ride on the boat to our destination was fabulous, especially when Captain G sped up. I adore being on a boat of any type.

Our destination was about 4km away at the site of a shipwreck from the 1980s

We donned our masks and flippers and I was really happy to jump off the boat into the beautiful Aegean sea.

That's when things took a turn. I'd never worn flippers before, and it felt like they were pulling me down like dead weights. I'd already opted not to have a wetsuit because I love the water on my skin too much, so I swam back to the boat and took them off.

Then I tried snorkeling. It was terrible; every time I put my face under the water, I forgot how to breathe, the mask felt like it was suffocating me, and everything kept filling up with water. I was beginning to panic; this was not what was supposed to be happening.

I took the mask off after a few attempts and decided just to swim. I was so upset with myself; everyone else was snorkeling around quite happily, and I felt embarrassed.

No one loves the sea more than me; I was confused.

Then I remembered I was in the sea and silently called on the guardians of the West and the element of water to wash this panic and embarrassment away from me. In a few moments, I was calm and determined to try again.

I put the mask back on and this time remembered how to breathe and had a gorgeous time swimming with shoals of colorful fish and admiring the sea anemones on the rocks below.

We saw a mama octopus protecting her eggs in a hole in the rocks. She was beautiful, so brightly colored in shades of pink and yellow. We even had the good fortune of seeing a seal playing in the water just a little further out.

I'm so glad I pushed through my fears this time; it was a wonderful afternoon, and despite swallowing a couple of gallons of seawater, I had a fabulous time.

We arrived back at the little harbor as the sun was beginning to set. It's such a peaceful, pretty part of Scala. My little Danu friend was waiting for me when we got off the boat.

Who wouldn't want to join me here for a glass of wine as the sunsets ?

I headed back to Eressos for a shower and invited my German friends to join me for dinner in the village. Karin was busy, so Anya and I spent a lovely evening eating, drinking beer, putting the world to rights, and feeding the local cats.

I should've been on a trip to a petrified forest this morning, but I drank far too much beer and, for once, stayed out late.

My alarm woke me at 7. I attempted to get up, then texted the trip company to cancel and slept until 10:30.

I had a moment of giving myself a hard time, "you're wasting your trip," "how will you grow," etc., etc.

Then I quickly remembered that I don't speak to myself like that anymore and I got a bit drunk on holiday! Hardly the end of the world. I had a fabulous evening, I'm sure I'll see the petrified forest next time I'm here, and anyway,

You can take the girl out of Fleetwood, but you can't take Fleetwood out of the girl. It was bound to happen at least once.

On the plus side, I can now attend the Sapphic Healing Circle later today. I'll tell you how that goes tomorrow.

Thank you as always for reading my first-ever blog. It truly means the world to me.

Bright Blessings and much love, Bex xxx

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Day 10 A moving memorial and Ancient Greek food.

Day 10 was always going to be a moving day. Anya one of my German friends had very recently lost one of her closest friends and yesterday was the day of her funeral in England.

I was very honoured when Anya invited me to join her and Karin on a trip to the village of Tavari and to help her do a small ritual for her friend on what had been one of her favourite beaches.

We met in the village square at 9.45 and after a drive over some hair raising mountain roads we arrived at Poderas beach.

Poderas was a beautiful, unspoilt beach with crystal clear water and the volcanic sand typical of this area of Lesvos.

Anya crafted a lovely wooden plaque adorned with fresh flowers for her friend Thelma, and together we set up a small altar by the water's edge. I brought Persephone along to ensure a seamless transition between realms for a woman whom I have not met but feel connected to through the heartfelt words Anya uses to describe her friend.

We conducted a small ritual calling the Elements and the Goddess to honour Thelmas life and bless her passage to the other realms. It was simple and beautiful and after this Anya set off on her body board far out to sea to release the plaque to the waves.

It was beautiful and meaningful but the day was not a totally sad one. We spent a lovely day chilling on the beach, laughing hysterically about not having sex and had a nice mezze lunch in a taverna in Tavari. I am aware that sometiimes we give German people the reputation of being somewhat cold and humourless. Whoever came up with that theory clearly never met these ladies who have brought so much laughter and warmth to my trip.

On our way to lunch we came across a tiny Greek chapel and went in to have a look and light a candle for Thelma and I lit some for my Son Benjamin, my Uncle Reg and my dear friend Pete.

When we reached Tavari I was mortified to realise I had inadvertantly stolen the lighter from the church. It was still in my hand!

Anya looked at me deadpan and said "you have stolen the light of God" on the way back to Eressos when her car kept breaking down we concluded it was our punishment for such a grave sin.

The stolen light of God.

In the evening I was booked on a botanical walk with the amazing Dimitra followed by a meal of food that would have been eaten in Ancient Greece.

I was really looking forward to this evening and it did not dissapoint. Dimitra led us on a walk around Scala explaining the historical and spiritual significance of many local plants and spoke to us about the sorts of plants that Sappho would have grown in her garden.

There were some plants that are used in our craft in the UK such as pine, rosemary and bay and some that were new to me. It was fascinating.

This is the Tamarisk tree, sacred to Aphrodite it is a natural distillery that takes salt out of the water giving its leaves a distinctive salty taste.

We learnt many interesting facts about the plants and their corrosponding tales in Greek Mythology. Also lots of wonderful stories of life for the ancient Greeks especially here in Lesvos. Dimitra is an award winning archeologist who specialised in nautical archeology. What a wonderful way of bringing the past to life she has.

After the walk we headed to Sapphos Palace for a meal prepared by Dimitras partner Maria and business partner Jodi, using ingredients and techniques that would have been used in Ancient Greece.

En route I heard someone mention Artemis and of course my ears pricked up at the mention of one of my home girls. This resulted in having a great conversation with Jane an Irish girl living in Plymouth who had recently visited the temple of Artemis in Ephesus and is studying Hermetics. We had a good craic during the dinner and she has reccomended some very interesting reading material to me.

The first thing we tried was sweet wine with a variety of herbs and Greek Cheese in it.

It was disgusting I knocked mine back like a Jaeger bomb and I'll definately be keeping my cheese and wine separate in the future, I can't see this making a comeback any day soon.

We then tried a variety of dishes prepared in traditional ways . Some were delicious particularly tzadziki prepared in the ancient way. Some were not so tasty but it was an interesting way to taste food from 1000s of years ago.

Before the meal Dimitra made a blessing in the form of an ancient Greek song and I wasn't the only woman there to have an emotional response. It was like being connected to the souls of those who walked here so very long ago.

So the sun set on another beautiful day and I headed home early to spend some time with the moon.

Thanks as always to everyone sharing my journey.

Bright Blessings and much love Bex xx

Day 9 The Song of the Wind.

I'm writing Day 9 on the patio of my little Greek house, just me and the Moon. Yes, I'm home before 10 again but in my defense, I was out all day from 9:30 am. Anyway, I love the peace and quiet up here. The bra is off, the wine is poured, and I'm wearing the Kaftan my daughter brought me back from Kenya recently. I'm feeling quite Bohemian.

I really didn't want to miss having some time with the full Moon. It's in the emotional sign of Pisces tonight, so don't be surprised if this blog takes a turn. A lot of stuff has been coming up on this trip, probably because I've had more time just to be with my thoughts than I've had in a long time. I see much value in this, so time alone under the moon is treasured. When I finish writing this, I'm going to take out my notebook and pen and see what this Moon has to teach me.

Day 9 was off to a good start. I was up and at 'em and made it down to Scala early enough to have a buffet-style breakfast by the sea then head to The Feminist Tarot and Goddess Amulet workshop in the Town Hall.

The Workshop was facilitated by Angela, founder of Spiral Sound, who has been a sound healer and card reader for 20 years. Angela is from Manchester and had such a calm, kind energy about her that I instantly warmed to her.

Angela and the view from the balcony at Scala Town Hall.

She began the session with a profound statement;

"The Sacred dwells within and waits for us"

I was immediately invested, as were the many women from all over the world in attendance.

Angela gave a brief introduction and spoke to us about how the western mind is conditioned to rely on analytical thinking rather than intuition and spirituality. She explained that our ancestors had access to knowledge and wisdom that is still available to us today but so often thinking gets in the way. The Oracle cards and Amulets were explained in a way that was understandable to complete beginners but also gave experienced readers like myself some new perspectives.

We were then put into groups, and I joined up with Kim from Melbourne and Karyn, a songwriter from Seattle. I'd had the pleasure of seeing Karyn playing guitar outside a bar earlier in the week, so I was pleased to see her in the group. They were both great girls with lovely energy and a sense of humor. It turned out we were all Taureans too.

My Bull Gang.

We pulled cards and Amulets and read for each other. The first Goddess that came out for me was Demeter.

Striking that I came here with Persephone as Patron for my journey and the first card out was her Mother, Demeter Goddess of grain, motherhood, and the harvest.

Alignment message;

"'Do you sometimes overgive to people until you are an empty vessel? Or you might be in a pattern of people-pleasing and afraid to set boundaries. There's a sticky quality to connections based on this need to be needed. The possible repercussions of setting boundaries are in your mind. Your body holds on to fear so tightly that it can be scary to make a change". Your alignment task is to step back, take a breath, and say no to the situations and people who are draining you. It's that simple. The Divine is the One with the plan"

Empowerment message;

"Now is the time to nourish yourself too, for giving must be balanced by receiving. Allow yourself to experience the Universe as a wonderful nurturing Mother who is always there when you need her. Demeter says to trust that you are loved and cared for all day, every day, at all times—especially now".

My next card was Metis. Greek Goddess of wisdom.

Alignment message;

" The Goddess Metis learned a painful lesson a long time ago and does not want you to have the same experience. She chose to make herself small, dim her life force and her inner light and reduce her power to keep love. Who or what in your life is causing you to do that now? Are you dimming your light for fear of reprisal or because you have a sense that you are unworthy or unlovable or perhaps too much or too smart?

The Goddess Metis offers an important alignment task. You must face this fear, this anxiety and say a resounding no. Even in the face of the greater story of cultural conditioning, be brave, be courageous and ask how you can be part of the solution.

Playing small is an excuse not to be accountable for your personal power and not to be effective in the world.

Empowerment message;

"There are many choice points in life when we have the opportunity to make beautiful changes and become more creative, empowered, and alive. Yes, sometimes memories that live in the cells of your body will trigger palpable fear, but you can move beyond your past and discover new territories and a new version of freedom will come to you. You won't see the past the same anymore as wisdom replaces numb acceptance. The memories will change because you've changed."

These are condensed versions of the messages that accompany each card, but each card resonated strongly with me even if I did feel like I'd just been dragged into the Headmistress and given a right bollocking.

The Greek Goddesses don't pull any punches.

I love working with the Divine Feminine. It's not about having unrealistic expectations of yourself or depriving yourself in this life with the hope of a good spot in the next. It's about surrendering and trusting the Goddess to help you illuminate the parts of you that you have lost sight of, and allowing her to remind you of your strength so that you can be the best version of yourself right here, right now.

After the workshop, I had a lovely chat with Angela. She told me it was 35 years since she was last at Scala Eressos. That time was with her partner who has now passed away, so it was a happy yet poignant experience returning again as an older woman of 74.

We discussed what it is like to be in a space with such a diversity of Queer Women.

I've been struggling a little with the number of people, and often rather than giving me a better understanding of my lesbian identity and where I fit, I've been feeling like I don't fit in and that my lesbian identity is a lonely misfit. After spending time talking to Angela, I did come to see it is wonderful to be the majority for once and not just the lesbians in the corner. Here it's the heterosexuals in the minority being the odd couple in the corner.

It is lovely for women here in couples to be able to be openly affectionate without having to second-guess how folk may react. Even in the UK where so much progress has been made, thinking first before you kiss your partner or hold her hand is still ingrained, especially in the older generations.

Angela holds sound baths in the UK, women's groups, takes her healing to many festivals, and is a funeral celebrant. Another powerful statement that she said to me was "you are as happy as you decide to be"

I couldn't figure out sharing a link, but if anyone wants some healing or a reading from this inspirational Lady, some details are on here.

Following our chat, I took myself out to lunch again and then joined one of my German friends on the beach for a sunbathe and a swim. On the way, I got talking to Georgios when I spotted him on the seafront playing this beautiful instrument.

The instrument is a Lyre, and Georgios made this one by hand.

The Lyre was invented in Sumeria around 2600 BC. The Ancient Greeks popularized it using it as an accompaniment to lyric poetry and other performances of dance, music, and drama.

Sappho herself, who was the inventor of lyrical poetry, played the Lyre, so it was beautiful to hear it being played so traditionally here in her birthplace.

Georgios held the Lyre up to the sea breeze and told me to put my ear against it. It was not being played, but the sounds of the wind stroking the strings and the ethereal melody it created were spellbinding. I was hearing the song of the wind. Even my goosebumps got goosebumps.

Day 9 ended sitting around outside the Rock-Ink gallery watching the sun go down, drinking beer, and enjoying company from Ireland, Germany, and Jersey, a very lovely evening with much laughter.

As always thank you all so much for reading. Bright Blessings and so much love Bex xxx