Day 4 Just get a f*kin Taser

So day 4 arrived. The day for me to start truly pushing myself out of my comfort zone and joining in with some group activities. With some mild trepidation I set off to Skala where first on my agenda was a meet and greet for solo travellers which I thought was a good idea and a way to meet people to do things with.

My first problem was getting a cab to out of the village as it was airport switch over day and all the cabs on the island head to Mytaline. I learned this from the owner of the mini market in the square who also offered to call one of the taxi drivers dads to give me a lift.

Den Pirazi, which means never mind in Greek and was the response I received when I inquired about his name, arrived shortly. Judging by his appearance, I would estimate his age to be around 110, although he could have been older. He then escorted me to his even older car. In silence, he drove me down to Skala, and then proceeded to remove my seatbelt and sneakily touch my breast!! Some things have certainly not changed since the 80s. Call me the worst feminist ever, but I couldn't help but think 'go on fella.' I didn't feel threatened at all and was more astonished that he had the audacity.

While I acknowledge the various issues with this line of thinking, I am here to be truthful, and that is how I felt.

Nerves kicked in as I arrived at the meet and greet, so when the host asked for someone to start off the introductions, I put my hand up first and threw myself into it. It's the only way with me sometimes - jump first or not at all. It was actually a pleasant morning, well-organized, and the getting-to-know-you exercises were very laid back and not too embarrassing.

I had some lovely conversations and ended up going for lunch with Dorothy a retired librarian from the bay area of San Francisco. We had a wonderful conversation about life and books and then I joined some of her friends on the beach for the afternoon.

Skala beach is so beautiful and swimming in the sea has always brought me so much joy that I was reluctant to leave for the Self defence class I'd planned to attend.

I was explaining to the ladies that we get the occasional difficult customer in the shop and I felt some self defence skills might be handy.

One of the women there, Georgie from Glasgow said " ach just get a f**kin taser" this seemed like very sound advice so I spent the rest of the afternoon at the beach.

Next on my agenda was a class in Ecstatic Greek Dance when I saw this on the programme I thought to myself " I'd rather stick pins in my eyes" so I signed up.

Truly wishing I hadn't, I forced myself to go.

The instructor Dimitra was a fascinating woman. An archeologist who has a guesthouse in Sparta and does amazing sounding tours/retreats examining the archytypes of the Greek Goddesses and visiting their ancient temples. Dimitra has agreed to do a little interview for the blog later in the week.

I can't lie, the Greek Dancing was every bit as far ouside my comfort zone as I expected it to be. I threw myself in, even forced myself, as instructed, to maintain eye contact with a variety of dance partners who all seemed to be more confident in this class much more than me.

Did I find it uncomfortable.... Yes.

Would I do it again.... Probably not.

Did I meet some lovely people....Yes.

Am I proud of myself for doing it.....Yes.

After this I headed back to my little house to shower, change and head back down to Skala for the opening event which had been postponed due to the storm.

I had arranged to meet some of the women from the beach however it was dark and I wasn't sure I'd recognise them with their clothes on. Many of the lovely ladies I've met sport a similar short, grey hairstyle. So it seemed did 75% of the women at this event, I couldn't see anyone I recognised at all. I did try to speak to one lady I recognised from the beach who I'd made an effort to go and chat with in the afternoon as I noticed she was alone. She shot me down in flames with " if you don't mind I'm with friends" I did feel a bit rattled by this and again missed the familiarity of my local pub where if a stranger turns up alone someone will always make them welcome and include them in the conversation.

I hung around for a bit and watched a couple of the acts which were a bit "angry lesbian " for my taste. I was starting to feel self-conscious and out of place so after about 45 minutes I left.

As I left I noticed an open door and peeping through I could see it was an art studio so I asked the lady artist inside if I could have a look. A few minutes surrounded by the familiar trappings of art, the smell of oil paint and a chat with a lovely Greek artist made me feel more centered and I headed back to have a solo beer in the beautiful Village square at Eressos then went to bed.

When La and I first came up with our Introduction to Witchcraft Course we named it

"The Path to Authenticity" then changed it to I.T.W because it was more self explainatary.

I'm starting to realise that this trip may be my 'Path to Authenticity.'

The majority of my life I've never really felt like I fit in. I've often wondered who my people are and how to feel like I belong.

As a teenager and at School I always felt like a weirdo who didn't fit in, yet 42 years since leaving school I am blessed to still be friends with many of my old school pals and love meeting up with them a few times a year. I have dear friends who I've known since age 5/6 who mean the whole world to me. I'm even still friends with most of my exes so I've come to realise I'm not as horrible as I felt as a kid.

Witches and Pagans are my people. I am a Proud Witch, yet I know some look down on my modern approach to Witchcraft, my desire to share it with everyone and the fact that although I have deep reverence for The Gods and Goddesses , I refuse to take myself too seriously. I don't fit in.

Artists are my people , art is in my veins, I hold a Masters degree in fine art. Yet everytime I attend a contemporary art event I. find the majority of people pretentious and up their own backsides. Art to me should be for dreamers, misfits and revolutionaries, not the middle class, investor led scene of today. I don't fit in.

I'm a lesbian. I love women not just physically but emotionally I connect with them on a way I never could with a man yet I have very few lesbian friends and am not a big fan of "the Scene" ,never have been. I'm not lesbian enough for some groups of Gay women and at times they're a bit too lesbian for me . It's just my sexuality, it doesn't define me so often when with other lesbians, I don't fit in.

As a mother my children and grandchildren are my world. I would kill and die in a heartbeat for my family. Yet I've always had imposter syndrome and never felt good enough to have these wonderful , now adult kids. They are all wonderful humans so in hindsight my wing and a prayer, a lot of mistakes and a lot of love style of parenting worked out ok.

I guess what I'm realising already on this trip is I don't need to fit in. I just need to be Authentic, walk with the Goddess and try hard not to be a Tw*t.

I'm identifying some layers of wanting to please people and be approved of that need to be shed. I don't think ecstatic dance is the answer but maybe something I discover on this trip will help.

I'm off to Skala now for a worksfop on feminest tarot, I won't be mentioning not punching Den Pirazi in the face when he copped a quick feel.

Thanks for bearing with me today. This whole Blog thing is turning out to be the most cathartic and helpful of all.

Bright Blessings Bex.

Day 3 Naked in the Rain

Day 3 here in Lesvos was the official opening evening of the festival . I was feeling a bit anxious so I'd decided to spend most of the day at the house doing some meditation, sunbathing in the pretty yard, reading and generally being as relaxed as possible.

The yard here has fig trees, limes , beautiful bourganvillia and yesterday for the first time I spotted this little Pomegranate tree with 2 tiny pomegranates growing on it.

The Pomegranate is steeped in symbolism especially here in Greece where on the Islands it is still a tradition to smash one on the floor at the beginning of a new year. It symbolises luck, prosperity, fertility and is also a symbol of mortality and the underworld. In mythology Hades lord of the underworld presented one to the young Goddess he had just abducted to seal their marriage.

That Goddess was of course my patron on this trip Persephone and despite the rocky start Persephone came to love her time as Queen of the underworld as much as she did the half a year she always spent on Earth as Goddess of Spring.

We can learn a lot from her about being adaptable and loving where you are at, or at the very least keeping an open mind .

The beauty of Witchcraft is learning to understand the signs, symbols and Magick always hiding in plain sight.

After a very chilled morning around 2.30 I decided I would head to the village square for a salad then come back and get changed for the opening event.

In the square I met 2 lovely ladies from Germany, Anya who runs a dog sanctuary here and her friend Karin who has been visiting the Island for 30 years. Both really warm, kind and funny ladies who spoke good English I really enjoyed spending time with them and drinking a few beers and having a lot of laughs.

As we sat in the square enjoying the company all our phones began to ping. We were all receiving severe weather warnings as storms were fast approaching. The local business owners were rapidly moving tables and chairs out of harms way.

I had a chat with Marina the Russian wife of Stathis who owns the taverna we had been sitting outside and she said storms can be pretty wild out here . I had to weigh up wether the event which was outdoors would be on and also if I would be able to get a taxi back in a village with very few taxis and currently 100s of Lesbians.

The sky began to go black so I decided to give it a miss for safetys sake and head back to the house. I just made it through the gate when it hit and wow what a storm it was.

I absolutely love a good storm. I also was happy for Lesvos which hasn't had any rain since March.

The energy was electric and so I did what any Witch in my position would do I took off all my clothes and went out in the yard ( it's very private out there) and danced.

I'm a modern Witch so instead of chanting I banged on some 90s tunes and let the electrically charged rain water cleanse, purify and super charge my intentions .

"Come and wash away the pain, step into the blessed rain

Cool the fire in your soul, the rain will make you whole

Take me dancing naked in the rain

Feel it washing over me,"

Blue Pearl.

The video doesn't really do justice to the magnificent thunder and lightening and don't worry I've preserved my modesty . It was amazing I feel like a new woman afterwards and that I had activated the Maiden aspect of Persephone and definately washed away some negaative thoughts about myself and my body ( a subject I'll be covering in this blog soon)

As an added bonus my hair is as soft as a toddlers this morning.

There is Magick to be found in all weathers and Storm energy is particularly potent. I've collected some storm water which I will be wearing like perfume for all the out of my comfort zone activities I'm signed up for this week .

Today I'm down for Connection Circles, Self Defence and Ecstatic Greek Dancing.

Today is also the Birthday of my lost Son Benjamin who would've been 25 today. It feels appropriate to be here as he had 50% Greek heritage and I will be being gentle with myself and spending some time at the beach in quiet reflection. I'm forever incomplete and today is when I feel it the most.

Thanks for reading . I'll be back tomorrow if ecstatic dance or self defence doesn't land me in A&E

Much love and Bright Blessings

Bex xx

Day 2 Loneliness v Being Alone

So Day 2 of my Greek Odyssey was quite chilled but not without its ups and downs for me emotionally.

In the morning, I spent some time familiarizing myself with Eressos, the village where I am staying. It is a charming place about a 50-minute walk from the coastal village of Skala Eressos, where the festival is taking place. Being here is taking me back to my time living in Greece during the 1980s, with its quaint and traditional atmosphere. One thing that stood out to me is that although many people gather in the square, none of them are using their phones. Despite feeling self-conscious about being alone, I am consciously making an effort to avoid hiding behind my phone. It is refreshing to see people engaging with each other instead of staring at screens.

Around 1pm I headed down to Skala to pick up my festival wristband, get a feel for the place and have a swim.

It’s a beautiful, laidback little seaside village that again took me back to Greece in the 1980s .

Swimming in the sea is one of my favorite things and the Aegean Sea is so clear and beautiful . I felt very free and visualised the cool water washing away some of my fears and doubts . It was stunning to meet a pair of swans swimming in the water and quite happily mingling with people. It was a reminder to me that although I have chosen Persephone to be my Patron on this adventure, my home girl Brigit is always with me. The Swans which are one of her symbols ,reminded me of the Celtic blood in my veins and that I have no excuse not to be brave.

One think however was markedly different here.

After meeting my first girlfriend Gail (who remains one of my closest friends) in a Gay club toilet in the 80s, I brought her with me to Greece. We had to pretend to be just friends, although not very convincingly, as the Greek Islands were not welcoming to the LGBTQ+ community back then. It's worth noting that Same-sex marriage was only legalized in Greece in February of this year. I recall how keen Gail and I were to get to Mykonos, where we had heard that we could openly hold hands without fear of being attacked.

Here in Skala Eressos there are lesbians and lesbian centered businesses everywhere you look . Even the beer is Lesbian.

There is reason behind this. Skala Eressos is the birthplace of Sappho. During the 7th century Sappho was renowned for her romantic and erotic poetry, especially those depicting homoerotic desire for women. An outspoken devotee of the Goddess Aphrodite, from her name originates the terms 'Sapphic' and 'Lesbian',. It's fabulous to see her legacy still going strong here in this little piece of paradise.

It was a peculiar experience for me to see so many couples openly showing affection everywhere I looked and groups of friends warmly reuniting, I couldn't help but feel a tinge of loneliness and self-consciousness about being there by myself.

Fortunately, I had the chance to meet a kind woman named Rosemary who had offered to give me a tour of the village. Later, I also got to know another lovely lady named Demi from Devon, who shared a taxi with me back to Eressos. We exchanged contact information to ensure none of us ever end up having to walk home alone at night. Both of these amazing women have visited the place multiple times and have established friendships, so I didn't want to intrude on their reconnections with people they only see once a year.

I had an absolutely delicious evening meal alone at a taverna in the village square admittedly feeling a bit emotional and lonley. For a few minutes I really missed my local pub The Strawberry Gardens and the familiar faces of the locals. Pub family as I call them. Everyone around me was talking and laughing and I suddenly felt like crying.

I did make one new friend though.

Returning to my house, I had to reflect on my purpose and think about the woman I desired to share this space with. This woman, who other people describe as strong, kind, intelligent, funny, and courageous, although I don't always see it. That woman of course is me. Throughout my life, I've grappled with self-esteem issues, frequently tying my self-worth to external validation, often for the wrong reasons. My early years were marred by abuse and neglect, leading me to seek approval through others, even if they didn't offer genuine love and respect.

Fortunately, I discovered the path of the Witch, embodying 'Woman In Total Control of Herself.' Engaging in Shadow Work, connecting with the Goddess, and embracing our empowering Craft, I've learned to appreciate and honour my true self in ways I never thought possible.

As always however I'm a work in progress and the last couple of days have really highlighted some areas that need attention.

Can't complain though as I'm in a perfect place to work it all out. Tonight I'm attending the opening night of the Festival on my own, I'm nervous as hell but am going anyway. i may even enjoy myself .

I drew some cards for advice this morning and I'll share them incase they resonate with anyone.

In the center is The Tower reversed. Whilst no one likes to see the Tower, in a reversed position it has a different meaning.

The Tower Reversed indicates a significant personal transformation and upheaval that you are currently experiencing. In contrast to The Tower Upright, where change is often imposed by circumstances beyond your control, with The Tower Reversed, you are actively driving the change and reevaluating your belief systems, values and purpose. This can show a time of spiritual awakening as you explore a new path and evaluate your beliefs and perspectives on important matters. Although this phase may be unsettling, have faith in the process as it is ultimately going to work out for the best. Embrace the change and transformation to evolve into a new and improved version of yourself. This is such a powerful and pertinent card to where I am right now.

The card in the past position is the Ace of Wands. Whilst Aces represent potential so nothing is set in stone, the Ace of Wands encourages you to follow your heart and live your passion. If you sense a powerful attraction towards a fresh start or direction, but have doubts about its success, this card encourages you to follow your dreams. Begin by viewing the project or concept as a test or trial. If it resonates positively, continue; if not, make adaptations and try something else. Allow your energy, commitment, and soul to lead the way. Again a card that resonates strongly with what drove me to be here.

In the future position I pulled the 8 of Cups . As depicted in the card the 8 of Cups speaks of leaving something behind as you walk to a new future.The Eight of Cups encourages you to reflect on what truly brings you joy, satisfaction, and fulfillment at a profound personal level. Failing to do so may lead you to chase situations that do not provide the contentment you desire. For instance, you might believe that being in a committed relationship is what you need, only to discover that what you truly long for is a deep soul connection. Without this connection, the relationship will not meet your needs, regardless of its duration. If you frequently find yourself in such situations represented by the Eight of Cups, where leaving seems inevitable, take the time to identify what will genuinely make you happy and adjust your aspirations to align with your true needs and values.

Well as usual the cards pull no punches and definately reiterates much of why I have made this trip. To get to know and finally fall in love with myself. Guess I won't be dipping myself in chocolate and throwing myself to the lesbians just yet.

Maybe next year.

Bright Blessings and thanks for reading.

Bex